Tuesday, May 30, 2017

May Update

"Optimism is the madness of insisting that
all is well when we are miserable." --Voltaire

Monthly updates continue, though my intent was for them to increase in frequency and, thus, meaning. Perhaps they gain importance by being so spaced out, but I fear that they instead lack relevance, that they fade from the minds of those who might deign to even peruse my troubled blog.

Tonight I must remain awake far past the time a reasonable person would seek refuge in her bed, and thus am afforded the perfect opportunity to post an update. Without further ado...

Know thy senses

Daisy, Princess of Sass Sarasaland.
This simple card recommends: "[a]t any time of the day, try prioritizing a particular sense--be that seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling or tasting--to see what you can notice." It is such a simple suggestion, so let's give it a whirl. I will go with feeling.

I can feel the desk beneath my elbows and the keyboard beneath my fingertips as I hunch with poor form in my room. I feel a tension in my neck, my shoulders, and my back that I cannot blame on my poor posture. I have a slight headache, though that has been a common enough experience for years on end now. I am thirsty, though water is close at hand tonight.

The tension comes from the weight of my decisions and the uncertainty they bring. I have decided to return to the States this year, though I have not yet secured employment. I am waiting to hear back from a few schools I have interviewed with, and I am continuing my search (I have an interview in two hours' time). Though I am loathe to leave Taiwan, I feel it is time for me to move on.

What will happen next?

Mr. Game & Watch wants to know!
I have been asking myself this question for months now. Returning to the US presents a host of challenges. First and foremost is the steep cost of a plane ticket, followed by lodging, transportation, and employment. These are all huge issues that I need to deal with, and with limited funds I will no doubt have to compromise my goals in order to serve my immediate needs. It is not my desire to return to New Jersey and yet it will be the first stop I make in America, perhaps a lengthier one that I wish to make. My lovely sisters are there, and they have offered to help me transition back to a life in my home country.

The overwhelming majority of the jobs I have applied to are beyond New Jersey's borders, and it is those jobs I am both most attracted to and least prepared for. I have no vehicle of my own at present and precious few resources. A return to the States is riddled with stressors and difficulties.

And yet, I feel it is the right move for me to make at this time. I am a strange little man, indeed!

What just happened?

Mewtwo demands answers!
Odd, is it not, that I draw this card last tonight? My memory is awful, just freaking awful, as any who deal with me can attest. I forget important details within minutes of them occurring, yet I can recall how to calculate a 5th-level cleric's THAC0 with ease. I have worried for years about this issue, yet what can be done?

The mindfulness card directs me to use memory to determine the why of a "strong experience." This is easier said than done, I assure you. This is supposed to help me see the connections between things happening in my life. Let's see, what was the last momentous event that happened to me? Well, I successfully scheduled another job interview. It's a job in NJ, which I've already mentioned would be the logical starting point for my return to the US and (importantly) the US education system. I found the job by chance while updating my LinkedIn profile and decided to give it a shot.

Ok, my update is at its end. I should do another for my reading challenge, but that is pretty well covered HERE.


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